Category: OCD in Daily Life

When you’re struggling with OCD, your experience probably falls somewhere on the spectrum from uncomfortable to terrifying.  You may have bizarre or frightening thoughts. You may believe that because you had a thought, it reflects reality.  Or you may have assumed that you need to act on everything that your brain tells you to do.

You may have thought to yourself, I wish someone would save me from my mind!

An OCD Crash Course

OCD makes commonplace activities an uphill climb; doing mundane things can often be paradoxically challenging for people with OCD. At its worst, OCD keeps people in a suspended in a state of electrified worry, feeling hunted by problems or threatening situations that may not even be real (that usually, overwhelmingly, are not real). OCD holds people back from living their lives. OCD has been known to ruin many a Saturday.

What is OCD?

In short, OCD is disturbing thoughts or uncomfortable physical sensations (obsessions).  People with OCD often do things to try to make themselves more comfortable after they have an obsessive thought, like wash their hands or check things (compulsions).

The obsession is the thought or sensation.  The compulsion is the activity performed in an effort to make the obsession go away or disprove the obsession.  Usually, a compulsion provides momentary relief, and then adds fuel to the fire.

Obsession + compulsion= obsessive compulsive disorder.

The Wiring Behind OCD

OCD is the brain’s error and danger detection center (the amygdala) sending out messages that there is a problem, when there is no problem.  The amygdala is the size and shape of two almonds and is nestled deep in the core of the brain.

Someone with OCD processes these error-and-danger messages and does something in response to the perception that there is danger.

This creates a circuit.  After someone with OCD takes action in response to the perceived threat coming from the amygdala and performs a compulsive ritual, the amygdala receives validation that there was indeed a threat, because the person with OCD did something in response to the error message.  The amygdala receives confirmation that its alarm bells will be listened to and acted on, and it learns to send more of them.

Brain scans of people with OCD are really interesting.  The amygdala “glows” from substantially higher than average activity.  The frontal lobe of the brain, which controls judgment and focus, is also substantially overactive. This is because after the amygdala sends out an error message, the frontal lobe decides there is a problem, and then devotes attention to it. People with OCD tend to focus disproportionately on perceived problems (“Did I leave a candle burning?” or “Did my boss scowl at me earlier? Oh my God, did she?”); hence, the frontal lobe also appears to glow in brain scans.

This heightened brain activity explains why some people with OCD perceive that there is conflict around them when there isn’t any; or that their world is dark, unfriendly, or even menacing.  The part of the brain in charge of detecting when there is an emergency or problem is sounding, for no real reason, without warning.

All those fears, phobias, aversions, and obsessions: all it is, is faulty wiring.

That’s the good news: it’s just faulty wiring.

There is comfort in understanding the brain science behind OCD. If you grasp that the thoughts, fears, and physical sensations you have are just sections of your brain misbehaving, the thoughts, fears, and physical sensations you have may seem less intimidating.

There’s more comforting news: you can rewire your brain. That’s how people with OCD get better. The same worry circuit that is activated when you act on an obsessive thought can be powered down by learning how to react to your thoughts and continuing to life your life, even when you feel anxious.

Sound confusing? Don’t worry: read my illustrated guide on how to keep living your life when you’re experiencing an OCD storm.  Or, contact me to learn more about my Glowing OCD Brain training.

When people learn they have OCD, what’s commonly the most surprising–and most gutting–things to find out in OCD recovery is that  OCD doesn’t go away. It’s true: OCD doesn’t get better; you get better at having OCD.  Once you develop the skills and tools to manage the way your OCD manifests, you use those skills without thinking about it much; the thoughts and fears that were once crippling aren’t even that noticeable.  What used to be an OCD storm is now a wisp.

Initially, people early in OCD recovery have an initial gritty determination to “beat OCD.” This never works.  Approaching OCD as an adversary usually leads to suffering.  There’s an acceptance step that is crucial in early OCD recovery. No one wants to have OCD. (Of course not!) But when you accept that you have OCD, you create space to be curious. You can learn how to manage your OCD and how to engage with your OCD thoughts. Eventually, you might look at your OCD recovery like an achievement: “I do all of these things in my busy, full life and I do it all with OCD.”  You’ll be happy and healthy, and OCD is simply part of your lifestyle.

When you have OCD, you always have to keep working at it and building your skills. The goal is to “get good at having OCD.” This takes ongoing practice. I have eight strategies/ mantras that I teach people with OCD to help them learn to live with OCD. These steps are quirky, but they really work. These are the basics that I wish I had known when I was first diagnosed. I affectionately call this list, OCD for Beginners.

 

1. “This is just my amygdala.”

When you are suddenly hit by a wave of anxiety or a disconcerting thought, you can say to yourself, This is just my brain.

Sometimes, organs malfunction. See if you can look at OCD like a stomach ache; it’s something array happening in your brain. There’s no reason to panic; you can just say, “Ugh, my head hurts,” as casually as you might say, “Ugh, my stomach hurts.”

At the most basic level, OCD is your amygdala, the section of the brain that detects danger and error, malfunctioning. Your amygdala is telling you that there is danger or error when there is no danger or error. The warning sirens can be summarily ignored. The worry or sense of impending doom is just your brain misfiring. The worry—and the content of the worry—is totally irrelevant. What matters is how you react; the way you behave when you have an OCD thought teaches your brain how to react in the future. 99% of the time, the best thing to do is going back to whatever it is you were doing, and letting the thought hang out in your peripheral vision.

 

2. “Okay, so I’m having that thought.”

When you have intrusive thoughts, acknowledge them and accept that they’re there. Don’t push the thoughts away—that makes them swing back like a wrecking ball. Instead, say, “Okay, so I’m having that thought.” It’s just a thought. We all have tons of thoughts, and we can choose which ones to focus on and engage with.  You don’t have to engage with the thought; just let the thought be like an out of control toddler who thankfully isn’t your problem.  If the thought feels really menacing, do your best to practice good self care as you let the thought dart around.

 

3. “Don’t start.”

When you try to mentally resolve or disprove an OCD worry, the problem will dependably pop back up with an extenuating circumstance that keeps it relevant. Or, your brain may snag on new worries all day. This is especially true if you start “arguing” with OCD in the morning. It’s better to “not start” and to settle into feeling a little uncomfortable. Don’t start, and let the thought fade.

 

4. “Okay, so I feel really anxious.”

When you feel gripped by an obsession or a worry, if all else fails, lean into it. Accept that you’re anxious.  People who have OCD often have days when they feel anxious. You want to practice living your life, even when you’re anxious. Sometimes this approach makes the discomfort dissipate faster. More importantly, it creates wiring in your brain so you can dismiss irrational thoughts and train your focus on whatever it is you want to be doing.

 

5. “I guess I’ll just ride this out.”

The comedian Marc Maron has a joke where he describes how he once ate too much Chinese food and his hand went numb. Because he had “drug wisdom” as a recovered cocaine addict, he said, “I’m just gonna ride it out.” That nonplussed attitude can be useful in hanging on during an especially anxious day. It’s powerful when you can say, “Eh, I guess I’ll just ride this one out.”  At the end of the day, double down on the self care or do something that tends to help you reset back to normal.

 

6. “If it happens, I’ll deal with it.”  

The best way to defang a fear is to accept that it could happen. Accept that if the worst case scenario did happen, you’d deal with it.  Whatever it is, you’d deal with it.  Sometimes, this radical approach can shock your brain into realizing how nonsensical something is.  Alternatively, this “I’m done worrying about this. Whatever happens, happens” is a very healthy form of surrender.

 

7. “This is actually really funny.”

If you have an obsession—whether it’s a new one, or one that has bothered you for years—imagine sitting across from your most level-headed, no-nonsense friend, and explaining the obsession to them. Perhaps you’d see that the thought that can overwhelm and terrify you on bad days… is actually so ridiculous, that it’s actually really funny.  Or it’s so petty, it’s not worth one more iota of your mental energy.  *To be clear, this doesn’t mean deciding that you are going to avoid the thought; it means that you’re doing to avoid actively thinking about it.  You can have the thought, but there’s no need to engage with it, disagree with it, or try to reason it away.  It’s not worth your mental energy… just let the thought dissipate.

 

8. “99 Problems.”

I know a woman with OCD who is really, really good at living with OCD.  She has a family and a job, and she balances her day-to-day responsibilities with putting daily effort into managing her OCD.   She was diagnosed with OCD almost 10 years ago; she had developed a chronic, frightening obsession so extreme, it required restraint not to ask her about the sordid details of her dark days.  The way her OCD manifested years earlier was extremely morbid.

Today, her take on OCD recovery is extremely empowering: “We all have 99 problems, and I prefer having this one. Because I have the ability to manage it.”

I just published a post over at my personal blog where I announced the work that I am doing to raise awareness about OCD, plus helping others with OCD, by writing, speaking, and coaching.

 

I shared an example of how a person could choose a new way to react to OCD thoughts. Choosing a new reaction–and a new way to frame your relationship with OCD–is key to befriending your OCD and thriving in life when you have OCD.

…Say that you have OCD and you have a routine for when you leave the house that makes you feel comfortable (checking to make sure the space heater is off, the stove is off, the lights are off, the faucets are not running, etc). But when  on the sidewalk outside your house, you freeze: you’re not feeling confident about that space heater. It could still be on.

Instead of going back inside after you’ve already left the house to double-check that you unplugged the space heater or blew out the candle, you shrug off the fear.  Instead, you say, “Okay, so I may have left the space heater on. I don’t know.  My brain feels really tangled over the issue. Okay! I’m going to go about my day.  I feel super uncomfortable right now, but whatever. I don’t really care.”

….Sometimes something really amazing happens: when you accept that the worst possible thing could happen, the fear often fades. The fear seems less serious, because you took it seriously but didn’t freak out about it or take action. If you have the opportunity to see that what you worried about didn’t occur, it’s awesome: it’s rewarding to see that you took a risk, and it paid off.  The whole fearful episode was just the error-and-danger detection center of your brain having a little electric storm.  No cause for concern.

If you do this over and over again, it can rewire your brain…

I advocate a “If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em” approach to OCD. Personally, I am always going to have OCD. It fully sucks. But because I can’t make my OCD “go away,” I live with it, working to be as happy, as joyful, and as flexible as possible in the process.  When I’m anxious, I say, “Okay, I have OCD, and I feel super anxious right now.” And then I get back to whatever it is that I want to be doing.

Finally, I shared my elevator pitch for my new venture: I want to be helping others with OCD as much as possible.